Today I’m not talking about food or recipes. I want to talk about the new year, and new year’s resolutions, in particular.
Every year it’s the same thing.
Messages to “live it up” through the holidays, indulge in whatever we want. Then, it’s time to make up for those indulgences in the new year. Set things right with New Year’s resolutions, to…
Detox. Do yoga. Lose weight. Eat Clean.
Quit sugar/alchohol/overeating/_____.
Meditate. Volunteer. Hit the gym.
Look better. Do better. Be better.
The assumption is that we haven’t already been working on these things. That it’s “now or never”, rather than appreciating the personal improvements we’ve already made, or the steps we take daily, monthly, or during certain phases of our lives.
We tend to forget some of the accomplishments and improvements we have made in the past year. I have. Haven’t you? Seems we should make a list of these things every month so that we can appreciate them at the close of a year.
I’ve been reflecting these past few weeks. Christmas and the holidays are not always easy for me, and I suspect many moms feel the same. The weeks (and months) leading up to Christmas are mind-boggling. Like a mental marathon of things to keep up with and attend to.
For me, I think there’s another layer. While I love the time I share with my family during the holidays, Christmas itself leaves me feeling a little empty. It might be partially because of my past and sad times through the fall and winter. Those memories and times are not so easy to shake off, even as adults with our own families. Also, because we don’t have extended family gatherings, I guess I have this need to deliver holiday happiness for the girls on Christmas. No pressure, right? 😉 So, yeah, it’s no surprise to me that I can feel a little blue and anxious during the holidays.
New Year’s delivers the same. Again, I love hanging with the family on New Year’s Eve, and creating traditions. But one tradition I don’t enjoy is the looming feeling that we must better ourselves come January 1st. Why?
How about accept where we are come January, and understand it’s part of our life’s journey? Sure, let’s take time to assess new things we’d like to achieve or how we might strive to become healthier and happier. Yet, so many of us feel this need to accomplish one or more of these goals in the very short-term. As in…
Lose any weight that first week? (No? Oh dear.)
Missed 2 days at the gym already? (So much for commitment!)
Off the juice cleanse already? (Where’s the willpower?)
It’s as if we start the New Year telling ourselves we aren’t already good enough. That we must improve. And, if we slip on one of these New Year’s resolutions or goals, then we are already failing in the new year.
When, in reality, another month or day may bring that awareness and ease that stimulates the change we desire. Most of our goals are met in the very long-term, yet our mentality for improvement in the new year is quite short-lived.
I’m done with these “new year, new you” messages. I’m already internalizing these new year expectations and it’s not a good feeling.
I’m a great person, with a good heart. I give and love and do the best I can. Whether January 1st, August 1st, or December 31st. I know I have areas of growth and things I want to change, yet this new year, new you mentality is not supportive.
So, this new year: I’m going to be try to be more at peace with who I am. As I move towards new change, I’ll celebrate the small steps. Whatever day or month. When I slip or feel I’ve let myself down, time to remind myself that this too is part of the journey. Being present brings us more happiness than thinking about what we need to achieve, or ruminating about the past.
I’m not sure where all of you are at this time of the year. But if you’re feeling some of these emotions, you certainly aren’t alone. I invite you to join me, to just breathe and take it one day at a time. Loving who you are the best you can, and celebrating when you do make changes that bring you more happiness – whenever that may be.
I wish you all joy, peace, and love today, and all of this new year.
x Dreena
Sue says
What a thought-provoking post. I’ve been mulling over your words for the past week. You make a lot of sense, especially when you talk about the suggestion that we are not (fill-in -the-blank) enough. (Good thin. . .).Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I wish you peace and happiness in 2016
Michelle says
Thank you for the very meaningful post! I feel such a sense of relief and anticipation for January. Mostly because of the onslaught of November and December. I used to hate those times of year growing up-there was just too much anxiety around family gatherings and fighting. But as a kid you have to repeat that cycle and now that I’m well into adulthood, I have to remind myself that I decide what my holidays are and the responsibility to enjoy them by creating new memories with my husband. It’s a practice of banishing the demons with celebrating reality. Thanks again. xx
samara says
Dear Dreena, thank you for this frank and funny post.
As is clear from the many warm comments you have received, you have plenty of good company in your experience of the festive season. 🙂 I too struggle, and find comfort and solidarity in your words, and those of your lovely commenters.
I so respect your couragousness and kindness, not to mention your amazing ability to create wonderful recipes! You continue to inspire my plant-based living, especially when the going gets tough. I take heart here in your Plant Powered Kitchen, it’s like visiting a friend for tea… sharing a recipe and a story, leaving with a smile on my face. <3
Kelly says
Dreena you could not have said it better – hallelujah! When billions of dollars are spent on self improvement/self help/weight loss etc it speaks volumes on the number of people made to feel they are not good enough. I know I will never be perfect but I am good enough and sometimes great. I plan to forward your post to all my friends and family. 🙂
Sharon says
Dreena,
Thanks so much for this post. I’m 45 too, and have been thinking a lot about how I need to go easier on myself – always trying to do better is tiring!! I’ve been really thinking about how I want to let go of this constant need to be perfect – of course, that’s just trying to do better too, right? : ) I’m not sure where it ends, but reading your post made me feel like I’m on the same journey as many others, and that feels good. From where I’m sitting, you’re doing great – thank you for helping my husband and I continue to raise our daughters as compassionate people (who get to eat DELICIOUS food along the way)!!! YUM! I hope January brings you light (inside and outside – yay, longer days!) and peace and lots of fun with your adorable family. Here’s to living more in the moment!
Sharon
P.S. If you wanted to do a post about how to fight off the colds that your preschool girls bring home – that you can’t seem to shake (endless coughing), I, for one, would welcome it! ; )
Isabelle says
Every once in a while I do the 21 Day Vegan Kickstart. And I am pleased to see that many of your most delicious recipes are included as part of the meal planner.
Congrats.
Debbie Reek says
Your comments were written with a heart and soul so reminiscent of my ‘state of mind’ starting in November and sometimes running through beginning of February. My sister never understands and when I try to explain I truly feel even more alone. Thank you, dear, dear Dreena.
From probably more folks than “reply” – Thank You! I feel like I’ve had an invisible hug in these trying times. It’s surprising how ‘the happiest time of the year’ can too many times be the saddest. You bring warmth and kindness to us all.
Be well.
Terri Cole says
Thank you for this. I like to set monthly intentions for myself. This month it is to get out of my own head and simply be present in the moment.
Debbie says
Great post. I think that the way of social media it appears we all are “well” and put together all the time! Thanks for being real. I too struggle with the holidays, but enjoy them too, so this hit well! YES, we should make each day a new day to move, and breathe and be all that we were created to be! YES, I want better health, and yes, I go for a Plant Based Whole food life, but I don’t always get it right, but I am not quitting, or giving up, no matter what the day, or time of year!
Michelle says
Wonderful, thank you. This was exactly the reason that this year I tried to do my big housecleaning decluttering BEFORE new year’s. I encouraged myself to do what I wanted to do when I was ready to do it rather than waiting for some arbitrary start date. The holidays are also challenging for me and that expectation/dissatisfaction that you speak of about New Year’s I feel as well. Like I need to save whatever it is that I want to change until a certain date so I can prove something. Thank you for writing about this so honestly. It resonates with me and I suspect many others.
Christine Scalfo says
Thanks!!! I needed that!
Mary P says
I so agree. I’ve come to realize I am a very slow work in progress and I’m okay with that!
Life is stressful enough without me heaping more (to do, to be, etc, etc.) on myself.
Blessings to you and the fam in the new year and beyond :)!
MaryEllen says
I could have written this post!! (well, not so eloquently, but…). Thank you for saying this out loud!
Jennifer says
Dreena, that is a great post. I completely agree with you. This last year I became vegan. ( my one year anniversary of become vegan is March 15). It wasn’t a New Years resolution it was for medical reasons and it’s been a wonderful journey. I’ve always been kind and hospitable and caring. I found that my empathy and kindness grew more being plant based. I’ve struggled w an eating disorder since I was a teenager( I am 43 now) my 17 year old daughter also struggled. She went through treatment and is doing great. The messages we see at this time of year are not motivating they are anxiety filled. There is enough stresses in our lives that can bring us down this added bombardment of being a better you just compounds it. I love your post because I work at loving me, It’s the best gift we can give ourselves, thank you for Sharing, Jenn
Susan says
Great post! My anxiety starts with Thanksgiving and I don’t even have children or lots of family to contend with. 😉
Angie says
Thanks for this honest post. I can totally relate to the feelings you have expressed. I think we sometimes feel guilty when we are honest about having anxiety or feeling that the holidays cause too much pressure. I certainly experienced similar emotions this year. Enormous pressure to pull it all together for everyone. While I was running around like a crazy person, I kept thinking “how do I make this stop? How do I remove the irrelevant parts of this and just be?” I didn’t come up with an answer but I want to make changes next year. I can’t imagine repeating this year again. Everyone was happy and relaxed except for me. It may sound like I am complaining but I am truly grateful for my life and my family. I just want to try to refocus on what is most important and accept that it is good enough. The same goes for resolutions. Of course I always have goals for myself. Goals are important but they are important to have year-round. Thanks again for your post. It is refreshing to read/hear someone else express similar feelings out loud. xoxo
Amanda Hunter says
I love this post. The holidays evoke anxiety in me as well. It’s nice to know I am not the only one.
Dreena says
<3 You sure aren't, thanks Amanda.
Amey says
Hi Dreena, what a nice post. I’m sorry the holidays are a hard time for you.
Just in the last few years, I have actually started to really embrace New Years resolutions, quite to my surprise. I enjoy spending time thinking about a new goal that I will approach for a concrete period of time. Last year I resolved to read 12 books, but I only read 6. Still, I probably wouldn’t have read all of those without my resolution!
All that said, I totally understand the response of feeling pressured and the decision to bail on the whole thing!! I totally agree that acceptance is the first and most important step to any meaningful transformation. <3
Dreena says
So sweet of you, thanks Amey. That’s fabulous, you’ve found a sound approach to resolutions! Btw, love that fruit post – want the pomegranates, and the marmalade brings back memories of my mom’s marmalades and jams. 🙂
Sarah says
Wonderfully put – my sentiments exactly! I always strive to be better and do better everyday and never understand why everything, including ourselves, has to be branded as new for the new year. i think it’s more important to be honest about who we are, rather than setting ourselves up for failure.
As for the holidays, I too find them bittersweet. I’m glad that my children don’t carry the same sadness I do, so I take great pleasure in watching them be so happy 🙂 Now if only the grandparents would stop gifting them so many things so that I can enjoy a new year without digging out from a mountain of toys!
Happy 2016 🙂
Dreena says
So well said, Sarah. Like you, I enjoy seeing the kiddos have such pure joy in the holidays, and hope not to disturb that through the years. Hilarious re grandparents. 🙂
Heidi says
Wonderfully said Dreena!
I struggle with certain things all the time, but it’s always harder when a new year starts. I always jump into to a new year with all these plans and when I don’t follow through on everything I spend a lot of time beating myself up for it. Then the next year it’s the same vicious cycle. I’m determined to put an end to that. Thank you for this post!
Dreena says
Thank you Heidi, and exactly – it imposes unrealistic standards for so many. Most of us are doing pretty okay, but feel we need to do so much more. Thanks for your comments, and cheers to thinking differently!
Lynn says
Beautiful, Dreena. Thank you so much for articulating what’s in my heart. This –> “I’m a great person, with a good heart. I give and love and do the best I can”, brought tears to my eyes.
I’m always glad when the holidays are behind us. Like anyone else, I’m a work in progress, but this time of year I find myself being extra hard on myself and dwelling on my shortcomings more than usual. It’s not a healthy mindset, and certainly not conducive to change. While daily meditation helps (I started in August) it doesn’t seem to be enough to combat the “you don’t measure up” message that marketers depend on for their livelihood. If there’s anything I’m working on this year, it’s self-acceptance.
Dreena says
<3 thank you Lynn. I felt a little emotional writing that. It says something when we are happy to have the holidays behind us, right? What's all that for? Holidays should bring more pleasure and peace. You're absolutely right, there's a lot of business behind this mentality of "be better". Thanks for sharing.